Why don’t ya tell us how you really feel?!

No really, why don’t you tell me how you really feel?

I wore a sweater this cool morning and you wouldn’t believe what was plastered all over the sleeves!  My emotions 🙂 (you get it? of course you do, you’re not that stupid, right?)

I wake up every morning, go to work, and grace myself with the overwhelming presence that is ‘Facebook’.  I mainly use it to keep up with friends that I wouldn’t normally text, simply because chat is easier when you know when the other person is going to respond.  Unbeknownst to me there is this passion people have for making you guess how they feel.

on top of it, this loser is wearing a muscle shirt!

on top of it, this loser is wearing a muscle shirt!

Remember when you were younger and someone would ask you, “how’s it going?” and your response was genuine? Typical things like, “good!, shitty!, by golly wow!” (ok, if someone said “by golly wow” i probably would stab their first born…nonetheless i digress). Wasn’t it so rewarding when this person told you WHY they were good, or shitty, or feeling like they needed their fist born stabbed?

Now it seems as if we are all bombarded with Facebook meme’s that hold absolutely zero logical value, and don’t even get a sensible point across!  It’s one thing when it’s funny, however another when it just begs for something more.

How about this “News feed”?  I quite dorkily confirmed the definition of the word “news” to only find that it in no way fits its definition (on Facebook)!

This bombardment of passive aggressive news feeds containing such posts like:

  • Yay! (or a form of excitement without explanation)
  • Well, if only “so and so” would have known better
  • 😦
  • Starting your post with “Well I guess that”
  • Ugh…
  • God is good! (When isn’t “God good” if you believe in Him? Those that don’t however, might have a different opinion)

All of those “posts” beg a question……why?
Apparently in the ultimate wisdom of our “friends” they chose to make you guess what it was that they were feeling.  If you’re the sucker that replies “why?” and they respond with “text me hun” you deserve to be flogged…repeatedly.

You won’t find me making you guess how I feel, and I feel that it’s completely disrespectful to use such a platform to express a feeling you have no balls to say to that person’s face.  There’s absolutely no reason for it.  It wasn’t as if you were personally ‘that’ excited to share it, if you weren’t willing to say why you were sharing it!

At least be funny with it!

Passive aggressive paper



That was funny…and educational (always sign for your packages!)….enjoy your non passive aggressive day!


Everyone halt for……THE FRIIIENDZOOONE (cuz you’re a moron)

I’ve seen this meme go around facebook for quite some time, and I felt that in my absolute wisdom I would share it…..along with why you’re a fucking moron for believing it.


Brotip #1,000,000 Men, get a fucking clue

Soooo why is this magically the women’s fault (or the man’s)?  “Where YOU left them?!” How about making that accusatory ‘you’ into a self reflecting one, ya dip shit.

I read over this for a while and came to the realization that this is one of the most selfish, yet ignorant statements made in all of creation.

Have you ever considered that you are the problem, and this “friend” is not the solution?  How many successful men do you see get stuck in the “friend zone?” Might wanna start looking for a girlfriend…or just hire a hooker, ya loser.

Perhaps you’re the idiot who doesn’t have goals or communication skills?

You can be “everything she wants” and still be a friend dorkus…..have you told her how you feel?

It’s kind of like having an expectation for a job.  For everyone who bitches about their job, but doesnt ever go out and look for another one.  How the fuck do you expect to get a job without submitting the application?  What information is on an application?  It specifically says “starting wage” with an implication that they want you to put in an amount.  Maybe it would be wise to at least put “friends with benefits” for starting wage. Sounds like you’re the asshole who put “any.”

Better to be an upfront asshole, than one who bottles up all this emotion (which is your fault to begin with) and not get something out of it.

Perhaps try alcohol?  I heard she likes appletinis!

Perhaps try alcohol? I heard she likes appletinis!

If you’re thinking that you’re a bigger douche for asking directly for sex, think again.  Have you considered the bigger picture?  Let’s designate all of this time to someone who has no idea that you have feelings for them, instead of looking elsewhere and using your time wisely?  Had you just been a douche canoe in the first place, she probably would be eating saltine crackers on your bed and kissing your feet.

On the flipside, if she knows that you’re too vulnerable or stupid to ask for sex and knows she can use you as a cheap psychologist, what the hell do you expect from her?  Have you ever turned down something free?  If it was free, didnt you immediately ask, “what’s the catch?” This catch….is you.

Didnt you know that women like assholes?  “Nice guys finish last” for a reason…it’s because they’re gutless and display absolutely no sense of confidence in themselves or their ability to find a partner. The only women I know that display confidence and arent a debbie downer (naturally) are named “Olga,” have a flattop, and date…other women.  ‘Real’ men find ‘real’ women and share their problems together….

Women are coming to men in the “friend zone” to relay all of their problems.  They share problems with other women mainly because they know that if they dont specify to a man they are venting, we actually want to fix this said “problem” with…..oh my gosh… a solution! So based on deductive reasoning, you’re the boob sitting there listening to all of the problems which makes you a….wait for it… a women!  Yup, a bonafide women that has no self respect for your obvious expectation of sex without saying it.  Better to be a pig than a liar…

Yes i completely believe that you just want to be friends with this person because of her outstanding personality, and you would make them your wife if they let you right?  So when you lead yourself on long enough to get frustrated and give them an ultimatum of “date me or we’re no longer friends,” now who’s the asshole? Secondly, if she has her head on straight, she’s gonna call your bluff, cuz you clearly arent as intelligent as she is.

So you sit there blaming the women that you cant magically “get with,” while the rest of society that has a clue is laughing right in your face.

W…T….F Work?

Nobody likes to work, it’s pretty clear.  You wake up from very comfortable sleep in a (maybe not so) comfortable bed, wondering what awaits you when you hear the sound of clocking in.  If yours doesn’t make a sound, well….shuttup, I really wasn’t asking.  

In fact, I make it a habit not to ask anyone anything opinionated at work. As if work isn’t enough out of my day, in that the very last thing anyone should hear is the irreparable mind-shit sludge that begins to invade my ears.  Including the following:

  • Gay Marriage
  • Your favorite sports team (The Detroit Lions suck, get a clue)
  • Politics
  • Religion
  • “Right” and “Wrong”

The mere fact that you haven’t been able to recognize an appropriate time, place, or platform to voice an opinion relating one of the many subjects (I may have failed to include) makes you simply…a fucktard.  A genius combination of being a “fuck” and a “retard.”


Recognize the obviousness that you can never convince anyone of anything….ever. because we’re always right….right? Wrong!

When you hear retorts that include

  • “Really? nooo really?” (you can swap out for “seriously?!”)
  • “I don’t give a shit what youuuu think”
  • <—- *insert fucktard response here*
  • <— and here….

That response isn’t rhetorically comical or genuine in any way…period. Your inability to plan ahead when someone more intelligent than you interjects a plausible idea, is just another reason for you to take that opinion and firmly place it…into your rectum.

If someone was truly asking you for your opinion, it typically starts with something like..”Hey, what do you feel about this?”  From there it hopefully is a discussion of intellectual ideas that make you not wanna punch kittens square in the mouth…it certainly isn’t an overwhelming feeling of gut-wrenching silence, as the only thing you’re actually thinking, is what you aren’t saying. 


I would award you with a medal of honor for “shutting the hell up,” but I was raised properly in that you aren’t merited for having a damn brain.